Monday, August 31, 2009
And 5 outfits later...
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain pattering on the window. I love that sound. It's so relaxing and soothing and since I'm on maternity leave it's even better knowing I can fall right back asleep if I want to. Jackson slept so great last night. I was up with him until about 1:00 a.m. when he finally fell asleep and then I fed him at 2:45 a.m., 4:30 a.m., and 7:00 a.m. and after each feeding he fell right back asleep. Poor thing though because every time I picked him up to feed him, his outfit was all wet. I don't know what it is about diapers. Why can't the pee just stay in the diaper? It would seem to me like that's the purpose. Someone suggested pointing his penis down in the diaper, but Joshua said it would be all misshapen. When I was organizing his clothes before his arrival I never thought we'd actually go through all of them, but I'm finding myself doing a load of his laundry everyday. Who knew? Today is the first day my husband has gone back to work. It's been really nice not only having him there to spend time with as a family, but also if when I was feeding and needed a burp rag, he's been there to run get it for me. Plus the nightly duties are all mine now. Usually he would get him to sleep if it was anytime before midnight and then I would take over, but he has to be at work at 5:00 a.m. There's no way I would make him stay up that late. It's funny how when you have a newborn, time doesn't exist. Not in the same way it used to anyway. There's a fine line now between day and night. The clock no longer seems necessary. The way I've been judging it is if he's gone through 5 outfits already, its probably morning. Although through the course of the night when I'm trying to get him to go back to sleep and I'm going through all the nursery rhymes and songs I've made up, I've figured out that when you run out of songs, just stop. I found myself at 3:00 a.m singing "bring me two pina coladas, I've got to have one for each hand...". Quickly it came to my attention to stop and it made me laugh. But it's back to reality and I'm so proud of him for being such a great dad. I've never been prouder than now to be his wife. Today Jackson and I have just been lounging around. I've been singing to him and we even stepped out in the rain for a minute so he could see what it was all about. It's the first rain we've had since he's been here. So now begins week 2 with my son...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Labor Story
As I celebrate today the one week old life of my new son Jackson, I thought it a better day than any to tell you about my labor experience. More to come on our first week with him. What a week it has been. It's had its ups and downs. Plenty of tears shed of joy and others of lack of sleep, but overall the most thrilling week of my life.
It all began on Sunday morning, August 23, at about 1:00 a.m. I'd been having contractions since the night before at 10:30 p.m. When I woke up at 1:00 my contractions were regular and so much so that it kept me awake. I can't decide if it was just the excitement of wondering if today was going to be the day, or if it was nerves, or what. Around 3:30 a.m. I decided to wake my husband. Since the pacing back and forth through our bedroom wasn't waking him, I decided to ask him if he thought I should call the doctor. He looked at me and said "I don't know how you feel so call the doctor if you want to." I was like well yeah, it's funny how you feel like you need permission sometimes to do things on your own. So I called the doctor and told him I'd be having BH contractions for weeks and told him about the regularity of these contractions and asked him if I could just go ahead into the hospital. He said yes so when I hung up I told my husband it was time, and told him he could take a shower if he wanted since my contractions weren't as painful as they should have been at that point. But let me tell you, I was convinced my son was coming that day whether I left right then for the hospital or not.
We checked into the hospital at 4:20 a.m. and filled out some paperwork and were sent to a room where they could see what was going on with me. At that point they were timing my contractions at 1 minute to 1 minute and 1/2 apart. They asked what my pain level was according to this happy face chart and I thought it seemed stupid since I don't really know at this point how bad it could feel so I said 2. They checked my cervix and I was still only dilated right at 3, another doctor said only 2 1/2, so they wanted to see if over the next hour things would change. I knew the doctor would be there around 7:30 a.m. and hoped that when he arrived he would tell me that he was going to break my water. That way things could get moving along.I asked the nurse at about 6:30 a.m. if she thought he would and she said no, since my cervix had not dilated anymore. I decided then and there that she didn't know anything anyway and I didn't like her very much.
The doctor came in at about 7:45 a.m. and told me before checking me that he was probably going to let me go home and wait it out. I decided then that I didn't like him either. He asked me why I had come in that morning and what made me think I was going into labor. I told him about the contractions I'd been having for weeks and that I was 39 1/2 weeks, and that on that Friday a different doctor at the practice had scratched the membranes. He said "well yeah, I think I would've come in too then." After he checked me he said "you know, I think I will go ahead and break your water and get this moving along for you." I praised him for about the next five minutes. This also happens to be the same doctor that delivered me, and my nephew. I thought it would be pretty special for him to deliver my son as well.
They finally let us into a L&D room about 9:00 a.m. and I was greeted by my nurse Donna who turned out to be such a blessing. Through all this I'd been updating my mom by phone and once I was in a room she came to the hospital and brought my husband some breakfast. As I'd remembered in my both of my sisters deliveries, she was so hungry and since they won't let you eat anything but popsicles it made her really miserable. Well I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before but thankfully I made it through the day without any concerns about food.
My nurse Donna ran through about 100 questions with me about medical history and such and finally about 9:15 the doctor came in and broke my water. Certainly the weirdest feeling ever. Soon after contractions really started to pick up. The doctor had said he was going to give me a small dose of pitocin to get my contractions moving along but once my water was broken, my contractions were picking up on their own. I guess it was about 11:30 when my nurse said that they wanted my contractions to be a little closer so they were going to give me a small dose of pitocin. The contractions at the point were really hurting but my husband and I had talked about it during my pregnancy and the plan was to try and go natural. It wasn't for any other purpose other than that I wanted to prove to myself that I could. Natural childbirth lets you experience labor the way nature intended. I had expressed my feelings about natural childbirth to Donna and she said if I did want an epidural, all I had to do was ask. She also said she would let me know before it was too late to be able to get one.
By about 12:30 p.m. my contractions were so powerful. The pitocin not only speeds up your contractions but it also intensifies them when they come. Now so you know, my husband from the second we walked into the L&D room pulled a chair right next to my bed and held my hand. I have no idea what I would've done without him. Every time I would have a contraction, his eyes were attached to the monitor and he would start squeezing my hand to prepare me. In our baby class we took they said the coach shouldn't do that but I found that I really liked being able to prepare myself. My husband was so supportive. He kept saying "you're doing so good", "I'm so proud of you", "I love you", and "It's all going to be worth it".
My mom, sister, and step sister were all at the hospital at this point sitting on the couch in the room. They told me about 1:00 p.m. they were going to double my dosage of pitocin. Still no epidural at this point so I was really getting nervous because my contractions hurt so badly already. They also had not even checked my cervix since I'd been admitted to L&D. The contractions almost within 5 minutes began to build up to a level I didn't even know existed. That was about the time that a few choice words began shooting out of my mouth during a contraction. It was uncontrollable.
I gave in within about 30 minutes deciding I'd gone through about as much pain as I could endure and if I wanted enough energy to push, then I'd better go ahead and get the epidural. I was proud of myself for making it as long as I had. The anesthesiologist came in about 10 minutes later and everyone left the room except my husband. I don't know where I got in my mind that the epidural itself wasn't painful but that is just crap. During my epidural I had three of the most painful contractions yet. I was leaning over the side of the bed into my husbands stomach. I can understand now why anesthesiologist are the highest paid doctors though. He prepared me for everything I was about the feel before I felt it. He told me I would feel a shock through either my left or right leg, or my butt. Sure enough I felt a huge shock run through my right leg. It's similar to the feeling you get when the doctor is checking your reflexes and hits your knee, except worse. When he stuck the needle in I was at the on start of a contraction and thought I seriously might die right then and there. I started inching more towards my husband. He's like NO, stay still! Anyway, once the epidural was done, only the right side of my body was numb. I still felt about 3 more contractions in the left side of my body. After about 10 minutes my husband starts to squeeze my hand and I looked at him and he said "you don't feel that?" It was the biggest contraction he'd seen yet. I said "no". Amazingly the epidural took away any pain I felt at all. I was a new woman! It was so worth it! The nurse checked me after the epidural and said that I was at 5 cm.
My husbands family started arriving at the hospital and my Dad and his girlfriend Mindy came too. It was great to see everyone and even more so now that I'd had my epidural. I was having the shivers really bad. I wasn't cold at all but I couldn't stop my teeth from chattering and my body from shaking. Donna said that could be a side effect of the epidural and it was normal. I started getting really sleepy and my mother-in-law suggested that maybe everyone step out and let me sleep. When everyone left the room, it was about 3:30 and the nurse checked me again and I was at 10 cm already! The shivers started to get really bad and I couldn't even get out full sentences to my husband so it was a lot of yes or no questions and me shaking my head yes or no. My husband called my mom and told her I would start pushing soon since we knew she would be able to tell everyone.
I started feeling the urge to push but the doctor wasn't in the room yet. The nurse said it was okay to start pushing because the doctor would be there in time to catch the baby. I started pushing and really started thanking God at that point that I had gotten the epidural. They kept telling me I was doing a great job. Often times when women get epidurals they can't tell if they are pushing or not, but I could still feel everything. I felt strong. The nurse showed my husband, "you can see the baby's head". My husband looked and started crying, "he has dark hair." I started crying too and it was a really beautiful moment. It encouraged me even more to push harder. The doctor came in and I started pushing some more. Three pushes then a break till the next contraction. In between contractions I was so alert and so into pushing I would just look at my husband and say "this is so cool!" I used the mirror they had in the room and it motivated me so much being able to see my progress. Finally, the baby's head. I can see the baby's head! Holy cow!!! The doctor would so "okay, push!! a little more, a little more, you're so close." And out was the head, then the shoulders then the sweetest sound I'd ever heard; My baby crying. The most amazing feeling ever. It took 40 minutes of pushing.
My husband cut the cord and the doctor said he was going to put the baby on my chest. He lay the baby down on me and my eyes welled up with tears again. My husband and I couldn't stop looking at one another and knowing that God had given us this miracle!
It all began on Sunday morning, August 23, at about 1:00 a.m. I'd been having contractions since the night before at 10:30 p.m. When I woke up at 1:00 my contractions were regular and so much so that it kept me awake. I can't decide if it was just the excitement of wondering if today was going to be the day, or if it was nerves, or what. Around 3:30 a.m. I decided to wake my husband. Since the pacing back and forth through our bedroom wasn't waking him, I decided to ask him if he thought I should call the doctor. He looked at me and said "I don't know how you feel so call the doctor if you want to." I was like well yeah, it's funny how you feel like you need permission sometimes to do things on your own. So I called the doctor and told him I'd be having BH contractions for weeks and told him about the regularity of these contractions and asked him if I could just go ahead into the hospital. He said yes so when I hung up I told my husband it was time, and told him he could take a shower if he wanted since my contractions weren't as painful as they should have been at that point. But let me tell you, I was convinced my son was coming that day whether I left right then for the hospital or not.
We checked into the hospital at 4:20 a.m. and filled out some paperwork and were sent to a room where they could see what was going on with me. At that point they were timing my contractions at 1 minute to 1 minute and 1/2 apart. They asked what my pain level was according to this happy face chart and I thought it seemed stupid since I don't really know at this point how bad it could feel so I said 2. They checked my cervix and I was still only dilated right at 3, another doctor said only 2 1/2, so they wanted to see if over the next hour things would change. I knew the doctor would be there around 7:30 a.m. and hoped that when he arrived he would tell me that he was going to break my water. That way things could get moving along.I asked the nurse at about 6:30 a.m. if she thought he would and she said no, since my cervix had not dilated anymore. I decided then and there that she didn't know anything anyway and I didn't like her very much.
The doctor came in at about 7:45 a.m. and told me before checking me that he was probably going to let me go home and wait it out. I decided then that I didn't like him either. He asked me why I had come in that morning and what made me think I was going into labor. I told him about the contractions I'd been having for weeks and that I was 39 1/2 weeks, and that on that Friday a different doctor at the practice had scratched the membranes. He said "well yeah, I think I would've come in too then." After he checked me he said "you know, I think I will go ahead and break your water and get this moving along for you." I praised him for about the next five minutes. This also happens to be the same doctor that delivered me, and my nephew. I thought it would be pretty special for him to deliver my son as well.
They finally let us into a L&D room about 9:00 a.m. and I was greeted by my nurse Donna who turned out to be such a blessing. Through all this I'd been updating my mom by phone and once I was in a room she came to the hospital and brought my husband some breakfast. As I'd remembered in my both of my sisters deliveries, she was so hungry and since they won't let you eat anything but popsicles it made her really miserable. Well I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before but thankfully I made it through the day without any concerns about food.
My nurse Donna ran through about 100 questions with me about medical history and such and finally about 9:15 the doctor came in and broke my water. Certainly the weirdest feeling ever. Soon after contractions really started to pick up. The doctor had said he was going to give me a small dose of pitocin to get my contractions moving along but once my water was broken, my contractions were picking up on their own. I guess it was about 11:30 when my nurse said that they wanted my contractions to be a little closer so they were going to give me a small dose of pitocin. The contractions at the point were really hurting but my husband and I had talked about it during my pregnancy and the plan was to try and go natural. It wasn't for any other purpose other than that I wanted to prove to myself that I could. Natural childbirth lets you experience labor the way nature intended. I had expressed my feelings about natural childbirth to Donna and she said if I did want an epidural, all I had to do was ask. She also said she would let me know before it was too late to be able to get one.
By about 12:30 p.m. my contractions were so powerful. The pitocin not only speeds up your contractions but it also intensifies them when they come. Now so you know, my husband from the second we walked into the L&D room pulled a chair right next to my bed and held my hand. I have no idea what I would've done without him. Every time I would have a contraction, his eyes were attached to the monitor and he would start squeezing my hand to prepare me. In our baby class we took they said the coach shouldn't do that but I found that I really liked being able to prepare myself. My husband was so supportive. He kept saying "you're doing so good", "I'm so proud of you", "I love you", and "It's all going to be worth it".
My mom, sister, and step sister were all at the hospital at this point sitting on the couch in the room. They told me about 1:00 p.m. they were going to double my dosage of pitocin. Still no epidural at this point so I was really getting nervous because my contractions hurt so badly already. They also had not even checked my cervix since I'd been admitted to L&D. The contractions almost within 5 minutes began to build up to a level I didn't even know existed. That was about the time that a few choice words began shooting out of my mouth during a contraction. It was uncontrollable.
I gave in within about 30 minutes deciding I'd gone through about as much pain as I could endure and if I wanted enough energy to push, then I'd better go ahead and get the epidural. I was proud of myself for making it as long as I had. The anesthesiologist came in about 10 minutes later and everyone left the room except my husband. I don't know where I got in my mind that the epidural itself wasn't painful but that is just crap. During my epidural I had three of the most painful contractions yet. I was leaning over the side of the bed into my husbands stomach. I can understand now why anesthesiologist are the highest paid doctors though. He prepared me for everything I was about the feel before I felt it. He told me I would feel a shock through either my left or right leg, or my butt. Sure enough I felt a huge shock run through my right leg. It's similar to the feeling you get when the doctor is checking your reflexes and hits your knee, except worse. When he stuck the needle in I was at the on start of a contraction and thought I seriously might die right then and there. I started inching more towards my husband. He's like NO, stay still! Anyway, once the epidural was done, only the right side of my body was numb. I still felt about 3 more contractions in the left side of my body. After about 10 minutes my husband starts to squeeze my hand and I looked at him and he said "you don't feel that?" It was the biggest contraction he'd seen yet. I said "no". Amazingly the epidural took away any pain I felt at all. I was a new woman! It was so worth it! The nurse checked me after the epidural and said that I was at 5 cm.
My husbands family started arriving at the hospital and my Dad and his girlfriend Mindy came too. It was great to see everyone and even more so now that I'd had my epidural. I was having the shivers really bad. I wasn't cold at all but I couldn't stop my teeth from chattering and my body from shaking. Donna said that could be a side effect of the epidural and it was normal. I started getting really sleepy and my mother-in-law suggested that maybe everyone step out and let me sleep. When everyone left the room, it was about 3:30 and the nurse checked me again and I was at 10 cm already! The shivers started to get really bad and I couldn't even get out full sentences to my husband so it was a lot of yes or no questions and me shaking my head yes or no. My husband called my mom and told her I would start pushing soon since we knew she would be able to tell everyone.
I started feeling the urge to push but the doctor wasn't in the room yet. The nurse said it was okay to start pushing because the doctor would be there in time to catch the baby. I started pushing and really started thanking God at that point that I had gotten the epidural. They kept telling me I was doing a great job. Often times when women get epidurals they can't tell if they are pushing or not, but I could still feel everything. I felt strong. The nurse showed my husband, "you can see the baby's head". My husband looked and started crying, "he has dark hair." I started crying too and it was a really beautiful moment. It encouraged me even more to push harder. The doctor came in and I started pushing some more. Three pushes then a break till the next contraction. In between contractions I was so alert and so into pushing I would just look at my husband and say "this is so cool!" I used the mirror they had in the room and it motivated me so much being able to see my progress. Finally, the baby's head. I can see the baby's head! Holy cow!!! The doctor would so "okay, push!! a little more, a little more, you're so close." And out was the head, then the shoulders then the sweetest sound I'd ever heard; My baby crying. The most amazing feeling ever. It took 40 minutes of pushing.
My husband cut the cord and the doctor said he was going to put the baby on my chest. He lay the baby down on me and my eyes welled up with tears again. My husband and I couldn't stop looking at one another and knowing that God had given us this miracle!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I have a new name. I am mommy
What it has meant to me the past 6 days to be a mother is a feeling that is very hard to describe and put into words. I think Elizabeth Stone said it best when she said "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Joshua said to me on the night we brought him home, when I asked if there was anything I could do for him, he said "you can get my heart back", and smiled while staring at our son in his arms. At that moment I knew just as I was feeling that our son had completely captivated us. We were so in love from the moment we laid our eyes on him, and it grows with every day that passes. The experience of giving birth to my son has been life changing for me. It was in every way spiritual, lovely, and the greatest joy I've ever known. The five hours of sleep or less that I've gotten each night since he has been here has been well worth it, because the time I've spent awake has been with him.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Scrape the membranes? Sure!
I woke up this morning, and opened my eyes to see my husband curled up in the sheets and myself warm and satisfied in the comforter and blanket. This would not be a new occurrence in our household but it does bring up the question that we so commonly ask one another, "Why did you push the comforter on me?" or "Why did you take the comforter?". Either way, I covered him back up and he smiled. It's funny how something so simple can put a smile on your face. It's comparable to swaddling your newborn. It can make them feel so content in the world. It makes me think a lot about our son that will be arriving in this world in the next few days or hours. We learned how to swaddle the baby is our childbirth class last week. Pretty much exactly like you would wrap a burrito! I went to my 39 week appointment yesterday and learned I had finally reached 3 cm. It feels like a milestone to me since for the past 3 weeks I've been two centimeters. Needless to say, I was elated! The doctor asked if there was anything she could do for me and jokingly I said "yeah, you can induce me!" She said "Well really if you want to get this process moving along I can scrape your membranes." Now, let me begin by saying that for the past 4 weeks or so, I have been so over being pregnant. The taunting braxton hicks contractions, the peeing every five minutes, leg swelling, hand swelling, heartburn, backaches; do I need to continue? So when she asked me if I want her to scrape my membranes, regardless of whether I had any idea what that meant or not, I said YES! Little did I know it would hurt like hell! I started scooting back on the table and she said "oh sorry, sorry!" I couldn't see my husbands face, but I think he was laughing. Would've been nice for her to warn me! I sat back up, or waddled back up, whichever is easier to picture, and she begins to tell me he should be here before the weekend is over. I think I may have had the biggest smile that my face has known in the past month. She also said that if by chance he hadn't arrived by Sunday morning that I could call the doctor on call and ask him, just ask him, if he would consider inducing since I was already 3 centimeters. No problem here! After she left the room, my husband looked at me and said, "Do you know what she just did?" Before I could answer, he said "I really think you should have known what that meant before you just let her do it." Now wait a minute, I hadn't even answered the first question. So I said, "Yeah", all nonchalant. He looked at me with that, no you don't face. To me, if the doctor was asking, must have been safe for me right? And plus she did say, to get things moving along, right? So I was all about it! I went out to my car and googled it. First all this stuff started coming up about cat scratch disease....now I know that's not right so I kept scrolling down. Ah-ha, found it. "Another method occurs in your doctor's office. There she will strip your membranes to sensitize the uterus to begin contractions. (This was done to me with my first, and I delivered the next day.) It feels like an extra rough pelvic exam where your caregiver inserts her gloved finger into the cervix to "scratch" the surface of the membranes." According to another website I found, labor usually occurs within 24-48 hours. So I told my husband what I just read and we both started laughing. Then of course, I got totally freaked out. That means my baby would be here that soon! Wow! So I began asking my husband what we needed and what we'd forgotten. He right away calmed me down and told me we had more than we needed and everything was fine. He's pretty good about that. Anyway, so now its just a game of waiting. As I think about the day ahead it's pretty exciting to think that he could be here before the day is out. 38 weeks are behind me and I'm certain I've done the best I can to prepare myself mentally for what's ahead. I'm so grateful that God has given Joshua and I the opportunity, and ability to have kids. We're entrusting in him to take care of everything that lies ahead in Jackson's life. I'll keep you updated on when our little guys arrives. For now though, prayers are appreciated!!!
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